What I Teach?

What I teach is never as important as why I teach. The answer is simple:

To inspire and instill hope in someone's child. I know it's a bit arrogant or perhaps even vastly supreme of me to think I can actually inspire anyone, including a child, but it's true. Sure, I teach drama because I love and respect the craft, but I also don't expect any one of my students to be anything more than an average person with an average life. Still, I can't shake the nagging feeling that maybe I am making a difference, however small and modest, in someone's child. Someone who drinks. Someone who is abusive. Someone who doesn't deserve this child.

I thought at one point in my early motherhood years that I could and would raise a son who was every parent's dream child. A son who was handsome. A son who was likable among his peers. A son who was smart and talented. A son who would say "no" to all things bad and harmful. But I made some mistakes and I will list them below for you to agree or disagree with, as you wish:

1. I thought a belief in God could replace any religion.
2. I thought telling him he was handsome, likable, smart and talented would make him so.
3. I thought letting him push the envelope of rules and authority would help him understand his boundaries.
4. I thought loving him was enough.
5. I thought providing a clean, safe home to live in would make him feel safe and secure.

See? I say these are mistake because today I learned something about him that crushed me...deeply. And while I look back at my own teenage years and realize I crushed my mother as well and still turned out successful, as a mother I feel like a failure.

In time, I'm sure, the true testament of my guidance, love and support for him will slowly reveal itself. But for now..for now I must hide my tail between my legs and lick my wounds.